I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
