I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
