She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My pussy is not your playground.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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