I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize