do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
