Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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