Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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