I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
