We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
