There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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