Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
