My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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