worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just pee around me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
