Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
