he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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