My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
