It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
