A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My dick has a subreddit
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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