I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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