is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
