i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
