I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There's always time for handjobs
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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