I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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