She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
