Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
