Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
