Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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