What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
