I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
