lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
