I wanna bring you to show and tell
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
