Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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