I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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