I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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