i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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