Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
