My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
