in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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