I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
