wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
