not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
