Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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