She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
