Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
