I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
