im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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