My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
