Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
