I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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