Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
