see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
