so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
