I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
