I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
