He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
