mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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