so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
