He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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