I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
