He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
