You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
