it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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