looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
