i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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