If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
