bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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